Big Bang for the New Year

We welcomed the new year with a big bang!!After all the things that we've been through, the curtain finally closed for 2009. And for my very first blog post for 2010, I will simply show some of the pictures I took during the new year's celebration last night. Perhaps that would be a better idea than sharing my new year's resolutions. Honestly, I hate creating resolutions every new year because more often than not, I end up being frustrated for not fulfilling a single resolution on my list. But I prefer making daily resolutions as I believe that its my own resposibility to improve myself on a daily basis. I really don't have to wait for a year to make some personal changes; That's completely absurd. So I will keep my vision forward and hope that this coming year will provide many opportunities of growth for every aspects of my life. Again, have a prosperous new year everyone!


Here we have another new beginning,
Another chance to be what we are not.
Praised be those who recognize the rot,
Portion out the guilt, and go on living.
Years change far more frequently than we,
Nor are our changes more than painted screens,
Each placed to maximize our meager means,
Windows on a world that none can see.
Yet, truth be told, we know well what's within.
Each resolution fails to touch the heart,
As in the end we are, as at the start,
Remorseful reprobates, half hope, half sin.

The Big "C": A Year Ender

I started the year '09 and will hopefully embrace the new year with the big "C" almost filling up every nooks and crannies of my own personal life. To begin with, there's nothing unusual with that as the big "C" or CHANGE, as we all know, has been a constant companion of human existence. However, this year that is about to conclude has brought me a different perspective of change, so to speak. I experienced first hand a lot of changes in my life that have helped me change my old, immature ways. Although most of them are excruciating emotionally, I'm glad to admit that they have helped me mold my personality and become a better person. That was March 2009 when my family left the apartment where I have spent almost ten years of my life. The owner was planning to change the house into a store and they thought it would be better if they will just kick us out as we don't pay the monthly rental fee regularly. From there we spent one month at my uncle's place until we finally had our new house. I was forced to stop my studies to finance the construction, which turned out to be a good decision by the way. I applied and eventually was accepted to work as a technical support representative in a Makati call center. It was my personal decision to grab that opportunity and it went smoothly, with myself learning a lot of essential values from that job, until my termination last November. Even though I encountered another setback, I'm happy because I get to spend my holidays with my family and have all the time I needed now to review for the upcoming NMAT in April, which is the first step in my dream of becoming a doctor. Certainly, I have learned how to get the best out of a life that has been on a roller-coaster ride. In addition to that, I feel more confident and equipped now to face the multitude of changes that the coming year might offer. Because of the setbacks I have encountered, I'm now more ready than ever before to embrace the pains and glories of the inevitable big "C". This coming new year, CHANGE is everything.......


A flashback......

One of my last pictures back at school:


Change is the rolling stone…
Continuous and driven by cause,
Desiring a change is not enough…
Molding oneself with the change is the game.


With my call center buddies:


Change your dressing style, change your ways…
Cut your hairs or change your name,
Get a makeover or change with trends…
The soul remains the same.


In front of our new desktop and inside of our new house (the calm after the storm):


We cry with change, we grow with change…
Longing for change still unprepared for change,
Sometimes surprised sometimes disheartened …
We move on with the change.

Hoping for a blessed life for the new year ahead. Happy new year everyone!!


Life has a call to make to the phenomenal change…
A change to meet the azure high,
Smile back to the setbacks and walk on the miles ahead…
Standing falling all these way I am a better me each day.

Tragedies of a Pinoy Nurse

I'm still ambivalent on the thought of going back to nursing school to finish my degree. I can't help but feel disappointed to the fate that most of Filipino nursing graduates have to suffer. Last November, another batch of nursing graduates took the NLE and according to Lito Soriano, executive director of the Federated Association of Manpower Exporters and former president of the Philippine Association of Service Exporters Inc. (PASEI), those who pass will most likely join the 200,000 nursing graduates who are either unemployed, working as volunteer nurses, or call center agents. I got this information from NurseLab, which is a nursing-friendly website by the way. I have been acquainted to certain factors that have been contributing to this nursing phenomenon. It includes policy changes in countries hiring Filipino nurses, oversupply of nurses and the deteriorating quality of nursing graduates. I'm quite certain that I'm not included to those who are affected by the last one because I'm confident that my school is consistently providing quality nursing education. However, the first two factors are things out of our control. As starting nurses, we all aim for greener pasture not only for ourselves but for our families as well. But during these trying times where opportunities are becoming limited as time goes by, we have no choice but to search for alternatives to survive. At this point in time, I'm afraid to admit that if I will go back to school and still pursue Nursing, I will be like a vagabond wandering in the middle of nowhere. Before, my only dream was to finish this course and top the board exam. But accomplishing that kind of feat now will not guarantee anyone of a decent job in the hospital. I know a lot of topnochers who are still jobless like everyone else. I remember one of my co-workers in the call center who asked what course I am taking in college and then suddenly made a wild but accurate guess: Nursing. It was embarrassing for someone like me who took the course mainly because of my passion and not for the "dollars" principle that the rest is aiming for. Nurses are being typecasted as 'unemployed individuals who have ravenous appetite for dollars' That's the sad part of becoming a Pinoy nurse. Even though the government is continuously strengthening local programs, including the NARS (Nurses Assigned in Rural Service) program that allow new nurses to be trained in rural centers and hospitals for six months and serve the poorest municipalities, they are still futile in providing regular jobs for thousands of unemployed nurses. I reall feel sorry especially for all the parents who have spent thousands of pesos just to provide quality nursing education for their sons and daughters. Nonetheless, I'm still hoping that the government will find other ways to alleviate the drastic effects of this issue to the economy and to the self-esteem of Filipino nursing graduates. For now, I will weigh the pros and cons of all the options and praying to God that I will take the reasonable one eventually.

No gifts, only Christmas

I haven't receive any gifts this Christmas not because I refused to have one but its something related to a sad reality that I have to accept. Nonetheless, Christmas will always be Christmas even without any gifts underneath the Christmas tree or, in case of the Filipinos, the traditional hamon at keso de bola. Well, given the downward trend of economic growth, the terrible natural disasters that we've witnessed (including the typhoon Ondoy and the recently capsized ship), and the horrible political killings that happened in Maguindanao, we have more reasons to mourn than to celebrate. But that's not the Christmas spirit that we're supposed to exude. We have to put smiles in all our faces amidst all the tragedies and privations. In my case, I have my own money with me but I opted to deposit most of it in the bank in case the need arises. Of course, I bought few items for my family and gave them free lunch yesterday because Christmas has always been a family day for us. Although I have zero gifts this Christmas, I still have something to celebrate: we are all alive and kicking. I can cry like a kid but everytime I think of other people who are suffering a lot because of the latest tragedies they've suffered, my own mishaps seem to be trivial. I really don't care if I have no gifts because I feel luckier today than ever. And for those homeless still victims of the 'Ondoy' tragedy, and those families left behind by the Maguindanao Massacre victims, I extend to you all my sincere prayers. In retrospect, I have here my favorite Christmas song of all time. It always leave me teary-eyed especially now that the song's message reverberates what has been happening to our society. Let us feel the essence of this song and hope that our country will find a remedy for all the sufferings it has faced. Merry Christmas to y'all!!


"Grown-up Christmas List"


Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

Well I'm all grown up now
Can you still help somehow?
I'm not a child, but my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list
Not for myself, but for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list

What is the illusion called "The innocence of youth"?
Maybe only in that blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
Every man would have a friend
That right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown-up Christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown-up Christmas list

Journey back to Ayala

One adjective to describe my day: exhausting. I was back again in Ayala, Makati to receive my final pay from my previous employer this morning, just in time for the holiday season. When I got the check from the bank teller, my depression suddenly turned into elation. Finally, I don't have to worry about shopping expenses now that I have enough bucks in my pocket. In addition to that, I was grateful that my previous employer took the time to send an e-mail to the bank to resolve some of my identification issues. I was on the brink of emotional outburst when one of the bank tellers present on that busy bank told me that my registered name should be identical to those secondary IDs I brought. Sadly, I was registered in the bank with a 'Jr.' as a name extension not with the two IDs (namely Phil Health and TIN IDs, respectively) I brought this morning. As what is expected, they were not stupid enough to believe that I'm the 'Jr.' and my father is the 'Sr.' obviously. They needed a tangible proof or an e-mail verification from the company. I started to realize that I should have included my complete name in all of my IDs, as what my parents always reiterates to me. Luckily, I was obstinate enough to go directly to our main office nearby because the payroll department was not available for phone transactions. They gave me quick steps to follow and at about 2 pm in the afternoon, I was able to make check encashment. What a day, I thought, but at least I have the money now in my pocket, a proof of almost 7 months of hardwork and patience. Before I departed, I took some farewell pictures of Ayala, Makati just for me to have some mementos of the places I spent some time with. Perhaps, I'll be back some time here in the near future, to work clad with a corporate attire like most of the yuppies here or just to make some simple visits. I'ts sayonara for now, Makati!Until we meet again.


Map of Makati


A stroll to remember (Makati Ave.)



Makati Medical Center, the hospital for the rich and famous



Taking the underpass....



A Christmas Carol in the city

Will Gays go to Hell?

They say people nowadays are more lenient in terms of sexuality. For me, this idea pertains only to a portion of the vast population especially here in the Philippines, where the party list "Ladlad" has recently been denied of accreditation for the upcoming 2010 elections. One bishop voiced out his support to this decision by clarifying that the church acknowledges the existence of gays, lesbians, and transgenders but totally against their "immoral acts". On the other hand, Danton Remoto, Ateneo de Manila University professor and co-founder of "Ladlad", is still determined to apply a motion for reconsideration in spite of the fact that Comelec has junked their application not only once for grounds I'm really unsure if they have sufficient basis on. Comelec emphasized that they dismissed the group based on "moral grounds", but I don't think they're really getting the main point of this issue. What this group and everyone else in the country or in the world who are members of the so-called "third sex" want is an equal human rights and privileges. I don't know, but many people are still closed-minded in terms of homosexuality. This is the main reason why I'm still terrified to come out of my shell and tell my family and the whole world that I'm gay. If biblical testimonies are purely true, then homosexuals are condemned to go to hell if will not change their ways. No wonder a lot of gays are selfishly indulging in same-sex relationship, oral, and anal sex without any clear concern on the possible outcomes of these "imoral" actions. This brought me back to the conversation I had with a gentleman across the globe about the question I posted on a christian networking site about a year and a half ago. I wondered during that time if there's any hope for homosexuality and the corresponding punishments for those who have sinned sexually. These are the written conversation that took place afterwards:
----- Original Message ----
From: LUISITO BATONGBAKAL
To: davidabc13@yahoo.com
Sent: Wednesday, March 5, 2008 7:56:31 PM
Subject: my answer to the question you posted in christianster advice segment

hi!just to clarify some things about me that you think is unclear. First of all, I would like to thank you for giving sound advice to the ordeal that I've been going through. You sound very willing to help me have a clearer perspective about the things that bother me. I think I'm already saved, as far as I'm concerned, because I have a personal relationship with God and continually growing since I accepted Him as my personal Savior. But I still consider myself a "baby christian" taking "baby steps" for a complete spiritual growth and enlightenment. You know, I'm still at the point of struggling to let go of the past and of the old ways and habits that have been part of my daily life. Spiritual growth cannot be achieved overnight......it takes time and I believe that with proper guidance and training I can finally let go of this sinful feelings and be emancipated from the evil bondage. It's a struggle every time the evil sets some temptations to trap me but I'm willing to change my ways. I'm tired of it already. Like an alcoholic willing to go to a program that will extinguish his cravings for alcohol, I'm willing to go to any 'rehab' whatever to be free from this feelings. I didn't chose to be like this, I think it's there since birth. So, if you are asking that how assured I am that I'm saved, I could say with conviction that I am. But if you are implying that I would not be saved just because I still have some issues regarding my sexuality, then it's up to you.......you don't know what I'm going through, in the first place. Thank you and God bless you!

Full MessageRe: my answer to the question you posted n christianster advice segment,
From: david chan View Contact
To: LUISITO BATONGBAKAL


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

first of all, thank you for clarifying this.



i just want you to know that praying a sinner's prayer and accepting Jesus as a personal savior is NOT how the Bible says a person is saved. i sure hope that you are not relying on a prayer and a decision for your salvation. that is a common tragedy of modern evangelicalism today. a person to be saved will show signs of godly sorrow, counting the cost, and NEW desires. the NEW desires come from a NEW heart which God gives.



yes, sancitification is a process. spiritual growth is a process that is not overnight. that is true. but that spiritual growth is in terms of maturity, character, and priorities. the DESIRES are overnight. i'm glad that you are in church though, receiving guidance and counseling. that is very good. in fact, my advice would be for you to you talk to your pastor about this, or someone in church who you have a personal relationship with, someone you can trust, and someone who will NOT gossip and NOT spread what you would talk about. pray about who it is in your church that you can talk to for counselling because it is very crucial that accountability be taken in your growth regarding your faith.



remember john3:19-21 and ephesians 5:11. be encouraged to take that step to expose this so that the enemy cannot condemn you :)

"Hand-Me-Overs" for Christmas

Gifts shouldn't be that expensive.

Well, for people like me who has a tight budget most of the time, at least this suggestion will be helpful in conserving our limited resources. It's just plain simple:RECYCLE. But when I say 'recycle', that doesn't mean you have to make gifts out of the thrash that will leave your loved ones nothing to be thankful about. Also remember that it's not ideal to send perishable items (e.g. food items) as gifts for the holiday season. You can follow these gift suggestions that I got from a morning show. Remember, you can still make someone else's Christmas merry without compromising your own budget.

1. Unused T-shirts: You can still give shirts that are still not out of the original package perhaps because it's not fit for you or you just don't like the style. These could be shirts that you received as gifts from the previous holiday or birthdays. Make sure the style fits the receiver's gender and/or personality before wrapping up those shirts.

2. Charm bracelets or other accessories: Maybe you have some stored accessories right inside your cabinets.These could either be charm bracelets that you're making for your business or other creative accessories that you've made for your own use. I suggest that this is the best time to take these out and give it to someone else that will surely appreciate these items.



3. Books: If you're like me who treasures books so much that I always see to it that they're protected from the 'wear and tear' factors, then probably you have bundles of books out there that are as good as new and can still be considered as good gift items. You can also put your dedications on those books to make it more personalized and important for the receiver.


4. Unused appliances or storage boxes: Personally, these are the best gift items for me because it will not only save some space in our house but will also serve as a valuable gifts for my loved ones. In our case, there are a lot of duplicate items in our house because my mom is fond of collecting appliances that will consume most of our spaces so I don't have to worry much about it.


5. Wines: Because wines have considerable long shelf-life, these can still be ideal gift items for Christmas.


I hope these gift suggestions will somehow be of help for you this Christmas. Happy Holidays everyone!

Return of the Iron Man

Full Trailer for 'Iron Man 2' Shows Whiplash in Action
When I first watched Iron Man (starring Robert Downey Jr.) in dvd last August, I fell in love with the special effects and the story-telling rendered by the film itself. Unlike other moivies with the same comics-based characters, Iron Man has a different attack in reliving the character as a movie super hero. Light and engaging story complemented by superb special effects and a powerhouse cast that are not new in Oscar nominations and awards, this movie will leave every members of the family dumbstrucked and amazed. A day after the first sneak peek to "Iron Man 2" was released by Entertainment Tonight (ET) on Tuesday, December 15, the full trailer has been debuted by Apple. Making its way out earlier than it was expected, the video gives a look at the movie's villain, Whiplash, who uses his power to attack Tony Stark. Moreover, the trailer also features another Iron Man's enemy, Black Widow, which is the alter-ego of Tony Stark's new assistant, Natasha (played by Scarlett Johansson. Then, toward the end of the clip, Iron Man and War Machine are seen teaming up in their action. Additionally, on Wednesday, December 16, ET has shared the second sneak peek to the "Iron Man" sequel. In "Iron Man 2", Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow return to reprise their roles as Tony Stark and Pepper Potts. Meanwhile, Whiplash/Ivan Vanko is portrayed by Mickey Rourke. The film also has Don Cheadle starring as War Machine/Colonel James "Rhodey" Rhodes, and Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury. Paramount Pictures plans to drop the movie in U.S. theaters on May 7, 2010.

Confessions from an O.S.Y.

Hibernating. That's the gerund that best describes my lifestyle right now. I prefer using that label rather than 'unemployed' or 'couch potato'- - they're just too painful to hear for me. And besides, even though I'm currently on a temporary vacation, I'm not idling and wasting my time for nothing. Given the fact that I was terminated from my previous call center job, currently taking medications for my 6 months of PTB treatment, and waiting for my contract as an online features writer,I still do have the penchant to make my life as productive as possible. Aside from blogging, I always see to it that I have my own share of household chores to make my mom's life less miserable. Well, the truth of the matter is I find my life as an O.S.Y. (unemployed and sick out-of-school youth) miserable more often than not. Perhaps because I lose my bread and butter but that's not exactly the case. I'm sick already of the terrible lifestyle I was able to experience first hand in the call center. During my first few months on the production floor, my biological clock literally turned upside down and I had learned how to make starbucks coffee as my best pal for the first time. I was able to tolerate those as expected but the incovenience I got from not having much time to spend with my friends and family, and the danger of travelling via a passenger jeep/bus during the earliest hours of the morning are just too much for me. Ironically, there is a part of me that is grateful for what happened because I will have now the time to spend Christmas with my family. So obviously, my unemployment status is not the thing that puts me down. I could blame it on my hair, the changes I've witnessed in my facial skin because of stress and pollution or to our EVER-RELIABLE broadband connection (I'm getting sarcastic if you don't get it). I'm planning to switch my ISP next week because globe tattoo is just too much for me to handle. Everytime I surf the internet, it will be a miracle if I won't experience any drop in the connection. God! I do blogging everyday but it takes longer that it should to connect or upload because of GLOBE'S unreliable and stupid connection. I'm using prepaid service but I don't think the type of my subscription or the area where I'm at have something to do with the quality of service that I'm currently receiving. Their technical support representatives are equally dumb in providing instructions in fixing my issue. I mean, I worked as a tech support rep for 6 months and I didn't let my clients to experience the same inconvenience over and over again. I'm really frustrated with the service and I will switch to other company as soon as possible (I hope someone from Globe will get to read this). Perhaps this is the major factor why I'm not enjoying my vacation but personally, this is just the tip of the iceberg. I'm totally frustrated because after almost 6 years in college, I still don't have the much coveted diploma and hasn't experienced yet the thrill of marching into that stage to get the thing. I've been in and out of school during that period because of financial reasons and this coming school year, whether I like it or not, I'll be returning back to school to finish what I've left. Maybe this could be my final year. I'm hoping and praying to God that after so many years, I finally can take my final steps in college. It's excruciating to see my batchmates going abroad or reaping the early fruits of their jobs while I'm still here, waiting for next year to return back to college, still the same guy that hasn't prove anything in life yet. But I'm still hoping and dreaming that someday I can be what I'm destined to be.

When Doctors become Nurses and When Nurses become Doctors

This is a complicated world, indeed. As complicated as the mind-boggling dilemma I'm facing right now. Three months from now, I'll be back to nursing school to complete some unfinished business. One year is left of me to finish my degree and I will make a major decision soon after my graduation (if God will allow me to): whether to pursue my nursing career or advance to med school. Undoubtedly, I will risk being ridiculed by most of my relatives if I pursue my childhood dream of becoming a doctor. In addition to that, I will spend most of my life being a social retarded inside the med school the moment I decide to grab that option. I'm about to start my NMAT review next week but I'm still undecided if I will take the exam to pursue the medical career or just to prove something for myself. I have been thinking that if I will not get a scholarship from any med school, I'll better leave the dream in the oblivion considering many factors that are halting me to take a step forward in the med school. It all started way back 2005 when the mass exodus of Pinoy doctors who made a career shift to nursing robbed the profession of medicine its usual glitter. I read one of the articles about it just recently, entitled When Pinoy doctors become US nurses. It tackled a lot about the still ongoing decline of college students' interests in pursuing the medical profession. I thought I was all alone in my struggle but when I read one of the very inspiring articles of my co-blogger, Aubrey, who is facing the same dilemma as I am, the glitter came back. Through her article entitled When doctors become nurses , I have realized that a lot of nursing graduates and students alike still consider pursuing the medical career as one of their options. I just wonder why the world is like this: Doctors turning to nurses and nurses wanting to be doctors. Perhaps this is what we call a battle between convenience and principle. No matter what explanation you can give, I still don't get this phenomenon. But what's important for me is I have my very supportive family who's always there in spite of doubts and worries to support me in my every endeavours. Maybe I will just wait and see how will I fare in the upcoming NMAT. I will ask guidance from God who knows everything that is best for me. Through that, I will surely know if I have to turn from a nurse to a doctor or stay as a nurse for as long as I can take.

Drugs me to Hell!

Its not just a simple frustration. Its a series of frustrations that reached its crescendo just recently. I was terminated from my call center job in Makati last month, the reason why I immediately turned to the jobseekers' safe haven (jobstreet) to look for a job. I submitted my modified resume to every call center company(medical transcription company included) available in the web, desperate to have a replacement job because I couldn't imagine myself jobless on the holiday season. After a couple of days, I received a call from Convergys and then I undergone the normal screening procedures soon afterwards. I passed all the company's standards for communication (which I already expected given the fact that I already had the experience) but when the nurse handed me the medical exam results, I staggered to what I just saw in my x-ray findings. The information printed is very clear: PTB in upper right lung field. Of course I'm not dumb to consider this as not threatening because even an average person without as much medical knowledge as I have knows what that means: Pulmonary Tuberculosis or TB as we all know. I composed myself for a moment. Frustrated as I was, I make-believed that I still had the power to bribe a doctor somewhere to give me a fit-to-work clearance although I had a strong gut-feeling that this was not going to be a walk in the park for me. True enough, I didn't find any doctor that was gullible enough to believe my frail theory that this finding was a big mistake. All of them attributed the diagnosis from the pollution , environment, and stress that I had acquired during my first call center exposure aggravated by the fact that I had to travel from bocaue all the way to Makati and vice versa to report in my job.For this reason, I have to suffer 6 months of medication therapy that will start this month and will end by May next year. And the best news of all is I won't have have a job. Even though I was accepted as an online writer (I'm still waiting for the company's confirmation), I would admit that this is not a well-paying job. Luckily, I received free medications from a health center so my family will not be burdened by this but I still don't have enough reasons to feel lucky in my situation. Perhaps God wants me to have a rest and realize that life is not all about money-making. Perhaps He just wants me to have an opportunity to do soul-searching. Perhaps, yes. Perhaps, no. I really don't know. But the medication regimen that consists of (1)Rifampicin, (1)Isoniazid, (3) Pyrazinamide, (2) Ethambutol, and (1) Ascorbic Acid daily is taking its toll on me. Now I know why DOH requires directly observed treatment for TB patients. Its really difficult to stick to the regimen and take the specific quantity on a daily basis. Its ironic that I have a nursing background but I'm applying it not on caring other people but on treating this stupid disease that I consider like a bane gradually destroying my own existence. On a positive note, the disease is letting me contemplate on my real priorities in life. Right now, I'm considering my plan of taking up Medicine one year after finishing my nursing course. Maybe this is another stupid decision but this is my dream and I will not let this lifetime pass without it turning into reality. I will start to review for NMAT maybe next week once I receive my money. I'm pretty positive about my decision of taking the NMAT this coming April before the start of next school year. Maybe there is still something great waiting for me. I'm quite optimistic about that.I'll wait and see. 'Til next time......