Filling Up The Vacuum

There's only one word to sum up my sem break: MONOTONOUS. Once in our lives, we all experience the weakening feeling of emptiness; the vacuum phenomenon that seems to remind us that there are some aspects of our existence that need to be satisfied and filled in. Inordinate brooding, in the end, will leave us exhausted and depressed, especially if the thoughts than run inside our minds are conflicting ones. I experience this ordeal on a daily basis, especially now that I have empty times to fill in with thoughts that eventually makes me feel empty even more. Being a hermit is a status that breeds paranoia because you don't have friends to hang out with and you don't have anyone sensible to talk to but yourself. For the first few weeks that I'm confined within the four corners of our house, I just do things repetitively on a daily basis without realizing that isolation has been robbing me of energy and purpose in life. I have realized that drowning yourself with multiple downloaded movies or keeping yourself sane by sharing your thoughts on your blog won't give you any help in filling up the vacuum within you. I feel more and more empty as time goes by. I need a companion - -a person that will bring back my sanity to the place where it rightly belongs. These feelings of uneasiness also make me realize that my pen has been my loyal best friend from the get-go; that I don't want to be a nurse anymore, a frustrating revelation that makes me wonder about my life after graduation. I've always longed to write professionally; it's something that fuels me up and gives me something to look forward to. However, it clashes with the fact that my parents want me to be a doctor. I've dreamed of becoming a doctor before but like nursing, it's a vocation that I have superficial desire for. I hate myself for being so fickle-minded but no matter how I supress and deny this, it just keeps on resurfacing every now and then. I guess my life is supposed to be this way; a puzzle that keeps on changing its pieces every once in a while. I'm about to embark on my last semester as a nursing student but the emptiness within me intensifies every time I ruminate about it. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed right now because I don't have the slightest idea what lies ahead of me. I will draw my future but this time, using a pencil so it won't be permanent. While I'm writing this, you can just imagine how the vacuum keeps on creeping within me. I don't give a damn because I know that when I arrive at the right time and at the right place, I will be man enough to decide what's the best path to take. Although I hate being alone most of the time, it makes me discover things within me more than what I've expected. Have you ever felt empty? You just have to listen carefully and once you hear the faintest sound within that vacum, you might get an epiphany that could change your life forever.