Following my "Personal Legend"

Time flies so fast. It's been a year since I left nursing school to embark on a different journey once again. I've been through a whirlpool of crazy experiences which brought out the best in me and some, surprisingly, have showed the ogre side of me. I didn't realize that being an out-of-school youth would be this hard, with all the rejections and frustrations I have experienced finding a job that I thought would divert my attention towards my unfulfilled aspirations for quite some time. But its completely different now as my return to nursing internship draws closer and closer. Indeed, time flies so fast.
            Nonetheless, I didn't reach this point by a mere walk in the park. Five months of being unemployed and alone took its toll on me and I started to become impatient, choleric, hermit, socially detached, and yes, the worst that I can ever be. Depression due to seemingly endless frustrations is my personal diagnosis for my condition. I have tried a lot of self-help books hoping that my former vigor and motivation will be replenished. But my efforts seem futile as I go back into a self-pitying, friendless, and frustrated dreamer every once in a while. I feel so sorry for my mom because she's the victim and focus of my mood swings most of the time. But what will I do? I feel so dumb for not being able to express my negative emotions positively. I feel as though no one understands my situation. God is giving me another chance to finish my last year as a nursing intern but I've been struggling to find the inspiration and the driving force that will move me forward to start anew. I envied my batchmates for not feeling the same suffering that I suffer and getting the college diploma that I'm ready to die for instead. I'm beginning to hate God for being so unfair and for the way he treats people like me who believes in their dreams. As an act of desperation to uplift my self, I purchased "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho, who was sugested by a former classmate who wants me back to nursing school. So far, I've been gradually starting to get the pieces of myself back into place because of this book that is more of a parable rather than a novel but has a parallel power and conviction as the latter. I will post a book review for this one as soon as I digest all of its contents. But one thing is for sure: the book is a material sent by God telling me to follow my "Personal Legend" (from "The Alchemist") and not quit from dreaming. Perhaps all the things that I've been through are simple tests by God and all the responses I've made are due to natural depression but do not abrogate the fact that dreams do come true no matter how hard the path leading to it. As a human being, I'm gonna take baby steps towards my complete recovery and hopefully, after a year of waiting, I can finally reap the fruits of my labor because as they say, time flies so fast.

"The Blind Side" (2009): Movie Pick of the Month

As what the film poster obviously shows, "The Blind Side" is a sports movie....a football movie, to be exact. It's one of the most awarded and talked about movies of 2009 so out of sheer curiosity, I took the time to download the movie via BitTorrent. I'm usually not a big fan of sports movie but after watching the whole film, I have realized that "The Blind Side" is a complete exception to my dislike.
"The Blind Side", which was based on the 2006 book The Blind Side: Evolution of the Game by Michael Lewis, is an inspiring story of Michael "Big Mike" Oher (Quinton Aaron), an African-American who has been in foster care of different families for 17 years. Luckily, he was accepted at Wingate Christian School (known as Briarrest Christian School in reality) after his friend's father convinced the coach, who, in turn, convinced the school principal that Michael, indeed, has great potentials to become an athlete. In school, Michael Oher met Sean "SJ" Jr. (Jae Head) and quickly became his friend. SJ is the son of Sean (Tim McGraw) and Leigh Anne (Sandra Bullock) Touhy, an interior designer , and has an older sister named Collins (Lily Collins), who studies in the same school. Michael was introduced to SJ's family when one freezing night, Leigh Anne offered Mike to stay in their house after noticing that the poor, homeless boy was shivering in the middle of the dark road. Eventually, Michael Oher became a part of their family, a fact that was easily accepted by Collins and SJ but not by Leigh Anne's friends, who believed that it will greatly affect her kids' social life. Nonetheless, she continued to make "Big Mike" a real part of their family until she discovered at school that even though he has scored low in essentially every aspect, he scored in the 98th percentile in 'protective instincts'. Consequently, they enrolled Mike in the school's football team and as they say, the rest is history. Bestowed with natural protective skills and unbelievable strength, Michael caught the eyes of every college coaches around the state carrying along them various offers for the boy with extraordinary talent. But in order for Mike to get the NCAA Division I Scholarship, he has to get a grade of at least 2.5 GPA, the reason why Leigh Anne hired Miss Sue (Kathy Bates) as his private tutor. During the last part of the film, conflict arose when NCAA investigator probed Mike's decision in choosing University of Mississippi instead of University of Tennessee, suspicious that Leigh Anne, who is a University of Mississippi alumna, forced him make such a contradicting decision as Mike has Tennessee as his home-state team. Mike confronted Leigh Anne but after being enlightened that Leigh Anne will be happy for whatever his decision will be, he still opted to accept the Ole Miss scholarship because his family has gone to school there.
Aside from the fact that this movie has showed great depth in story-telling from start to finish, I also admire how Sandra Bullock portrayed her role which admirably broke the "dumb comedienne" stereotype that has been attached to her name. Without a doubt, Sandra deserves to receive major awards to praise the feat she has got for this performance. Although there are some boring parts in the movie, I have to say that "The Blind Side" is a movie based on reality that truly bites. It's a very inspiring movie that shows us that every one has a right to dream big and become big. Perhaps, "The Blind Side" will be an ideal benchmark for sports movies in the future who should focus also on the story and not just on stimulating action of sports.

Gaining Weight, Gaining Hate

To put it in a less complex way, gaining weight makes me choleric. A one-pound increase won't harm perhaps but having a considerable increase in my vital stats definitely needs more attention from my part. About 5 or 6 months ago, my waistline measurement normally ranged between 34" to 35" inches but it was only recently that I discovered a palpable evidence that adipose tissues are starting to eat up my figure: a waistline of a whooping 39 inches!! At first, the "weight gain" issue didn't bother me, considering the remaining month before the next school year that I'm free to spend for trimming down fats and gaining back my former figure. In the first place, I was not used to aerobic exercises and healthy diet regimens even when I had my former "healthy" figure, so to speak, so being conscious for this change would be unreasonable. However, every time I face myself in the mirror, I've been reminded of my forgotten ideology, a set of principles I have set for myself. Gaining weight, for me, is a real sign of sedentary lifestyle and complete lack of productivity. Having said that, I feel so much frustration every time I remember what really caused this long hibernation that bestowed upon me the bittersweet gift of weight gain. I've been unemployed for 3 months now, still undergoing medication therapy for my mild PTB and has been left behind without any choice at all. On a personal and psychological perspective, eating has been my own way to suppress my negative feelings of isolation and pessimism during these past few months. I know how to pray but sometimes my faith and a bunch of downloaded movies are not enough to decimate my boredom and insecurities. As a result, I have gained so much weight that has brought adoration and fascination to my family and those former friends and classmates that haven't seen me for quite a long time, much to my disappointment. In fact, a former classmate of mine threw a blunt comment upon seeing my recent picture which apparently shows the big change that has occurred on my physical appearance. "You said you have gained weight but I never realized that you have gained such an enormous amount of weight, much more than what I expected", she said to me with sheer astonishment. It makes me wonder why everyone seem surprised while I'm still here existing, pondering, and feeling that nothing has really changed. They don't have an inkling regarding the mental maelstrom that I've been through. And being a future health practitioner that is supposed to advocate for healthier life choices, this "weight gain" issue seems to give me a double blow. On the other hand, I'm pretty positive that after a month of meditation and complete exploration of self-help/inspiring books, I can get myself back on track. It will not be easy for me but being aware that I have my own share of self-discipline, making myself back into good shape will possibly be a walk in the park for me. But I admit that getting into a serious exercise regimen will be a lot more taxing for me who is not used to even stretching my legs and arms every morning. And for the diet side, I will not employ such techniques like Atkins or South Beach just for the sake of becoming thin. I will still enjoy my eating habits, but in serious moderation. With these in my mind, I'm sure that I will be able to achieve a healthier figure before going back to school and this "weight issue" will soon be a myth.